Today's Pondering: Am I Being Nice, or Am I Being Real?

When I'm feeling irritable, but I play nice, am I being real?  If someone makes me angry, and  I bite my tongue and let it go, am I being real?  My conclusion is yes.

My "real" is nice.  My "real" is peaceful and thoughtful.  When I lash out, it rocks my core, and not only do I hurt the one I lashed out on, but I hurt myself.  I replay the scene over and over, and stress about it for at least a week afterward.  I feel out of alignment with who I am. 

To feel the emotion is good.  It is human.  Emotions help us organize our lives, and they have protective and social benefits.  How we react to the emotion reflects our wisdom.  One truth that flows through all religions is "do no harm".  A quick reaction to our "negative" emotions will never empower anyone.  A thoughtful reaction, or non-reaction, keeps me real.

When someone says something mean or rude to me, I resist the temptation to react, "You ***hole!  What gives your ugly *** the right to say that to me?!!"  Saying this would be true to the emotion, but not true to myself.  Instead, I allow my "real" to come through.  I like to be brief, be true, clarify, and always allow the other person to save face.  I may say, "What you just said made me feel unvalued.  Was that your intention?"  This allows the person to see past their emotional reaction, and maybe get in touch with their "real" self.  Usually, a mutual understanding results.  However, I do keep in mind there are many people who don't have a clue about their "real" selves, and they're not going to find it in the next couple of minutes.  So, there are times, when I just shake it off and move on.  Kindda like stepping over a pothole in the parking lot.  But, I would venture to say that 99% of the time, when someone's bad behavior is confronted in a thoughtful, nonthreatening way, they are likely to become more self  aware in that moment, which may lead to better self-awareness and wiser choices in the future.

When you reacted to someone today, and it was contrary to how you were feeling, were you just being nice, or were you being real?